I’ve Photographed Weddings for 11+ Years. Here’s What I Got Wrong & RIGHT at My Own.

Sep 24

I thought being a wedding photographer would prepare me to be a bride. LMAO. I have been photographing weddings for over 11 years now and even with all that I know about the stress of weddings and seeing just about anything and everything… nothing could have prepared me for the stress of being a bride. I would marry Jake 1000000x over, but no one could pay me enough to be a bride again. Thankfully I never have to because yano, married the man of my dreams and all! It was a beautiful day regardless of how intense I sound haha

I just got married on 9.20.26 so I’m writing this immediately while it’s all super fresh!

Here is everything we did for the wedding and how I feel about each decision in hindsight, who those decisions affected and what I would do or never do again! I truly hope this helps you whether you’re planning a big wedding or a small one. If you’re planning a wedding on a smaller budget, and/or considering doing DIY in any part of your day, read this first because it may save you from making some of the same mistakes that I never could have considered until I experienced it.

BOUNDARIES. Im kicking it off with this one because it’s the most important. Do not take on more than your wedding, the week before your wedding!!! I cannot scream this loud enough. I did take off fully the week before my wedding, but I did not have enough boundaries during that time and I took on the extra stress of work, family and answering texts that, while they may have been urgent for those sending them, were not the most important thing for me to focus on during my scheduled time off. THIS IS YOUR ONE FREAKING WEDDING DAY and no one has to get that except for you. You’re allowed to be unavailable to everything and everyone who isn’t wedding specific, especially so that you can be available and have capacity for your actual wedding. Even if you aren’t stressed out, you’re still allowed to enjoy your time off with loved ones. You are not asking for too much. This isn’t a random time in your life. It’s extremely special and intentional and honestly a HUGE fucking decision and leap in your life. That’s allowed to be a whole lot. If people don’t like it or agree with your capacity, that’s genuinely not your problem. And this is what I had the hardest time with. I was answering texts I shouldn’t have from work, family who weren’t invited to the wedding trying to figure out zoom, the list goes on…but I didn’t have to answer. Do your best to let go of what people think of you, be honest about your capacity, set your boundaries internally and communicate them, and make a promise to yourself that this time will be yours, no matter what. No apology necessary. Because not to be dramatic but I couldn’t have prepared myself for how stressful it all was and how FCKN HARD it was to be a bride. So, warning, proceed with caution when it comes time for you!
STATIONARY. I did not send out an invitation suite to everyone…instead I sent a classic and simple invite that I then changed 2 times after the fact for photos (hehe I’m insane). Then I decided that even if I didn’t send a suite to every guest, it didn’t mean I couldn’t have what I want for the flat lay detail photos with my photographer. 10/10 do recommend creating your own invite suite for photos even if you did not send that to your guests. It’s not that serious. No one saves your invites anyway unless it’s your parents. Also, when it comes to saving money on writing your envelopes yourselves, it’s NOT worth it. Im so thankful that we gave everything to our printer for him to print directly onto the envelopes and send out for us. I also did DIY the design for our menus, and all framed print out instructions for our gift table etc…which was all fun and all matched the invitation suite I created for photos. Also Jake HANDMADE the envelope for me based on what I wanted. LOVED this whole experience but it did take up a lot of time!
WEDDING DRESS. Finding the right wedding dress for me was arguably the most insane and hardest decision of the wedding tbh. In all fairness though, I have seen over 250+ wedding dresses and when you’ve been exposed to that many, you just know way too much. I also have varied personal style and have been in fashion almost as long as I’ve been a photographer. I could see myself in anything from crazy high fashion, to avant-garde, to romantic, to timeless, to funky. I also have VERYYYY specific taste when it comes to sequins, floral 3D appliqué and overall material and fit. I am petite (barely hitting 5’0”) and have an athletic/curvy build, so me being in a princess-y a line dress was NOT the right vibe for me! Having something that hugged my curves just right, was my hope. But then at the same time I love low back, high leg slits, sleeves, exposed corset boning and low necklines. Anyone who knows fashion, knows that having all of those things at once is unrealistic and borderline insane. When I found my dress it was the first and only one that I was beyond in love with, but it didn’t have every single detail I originally thought I wanted (the insane list I just named lol). So I went to New York to try on more thinking for sure I’d find something more suited for me. Honestly, one dress after the next was worse than the last. I went back to the original store in Milwaukee where I tried on the only dress that made me feel like a QUEEN and I fell in love and cried. It was THE ONE! And here’s where I went right… I told them I really wanted the sample because somehow this sample fit me like a GLOVE. I hadn’t tried on a dress yet that fit me almost exact to every measurement. Here’s where i went wrong…Everyone insisted that having a fresh dress custom sized close to my measurements would be best and even thought I had a horrible feeling about this, I obliged. Well, this designer being newer, it seems maybe they decided to cut a few corners on production of my dress and when it finally came in weeks later than it was expected, it was like the Temu version of my dress. Everything that was on my absolute no list, this dress had. A ton of 3D floral appliqué that wasn’t there before, more sequins, the material used that was sitting on my body was so scratchy that I developed a rash within 10 minutes of having it on, and the flare dropped so much lower than the sample I tried. Honestly there was more, but you get the point. I was panicking and so upset that I was going to have to settle for this dress that was worse than any of the worst dressed I tried on. I went home with it and felt sick to my stomach. The next day I asked them to please contact the designer and see if the sample I tried was accessible and if I could have that one instead. Thank god it was right in Chicago and got to me within a week. My seamstress got me in and got everything done, and early! I was so lucky that it all came together like it did. Now I can honestly say I have a one of a kind dress because I don’t think that make it like the one I have anymore! Moral of the story: if you can buy the sample you tried, unless it’s wildly too big or too small, DO IT! It’s the only guarantee that you’ll have the exact dress you expect it to be.
PHOTOGRAPHY. As a professional photographer myself, it’s gonna go without saying… hire a professional WEDDING photographer. Not just any photographer! Hiring a photographer, as a photographer, sounds like the hardest decision, but Lindsey Cole Photography was the easiest “yes” to delegate that responsibility and vision to! And not just because she’s an incredible photographer who I’ve worked with and who happens to be my very very good friend, but because of who she is as a human being. She is kind and gentle, but gets shit done! She helped keep me calm (to the best of my ability) when I was about to absolutely lose my mind. At some point she literally said “okay I want you to do something for me, look out the window, take 3 deep breaths and dissociate for a minute.” It really worked, I cried a little and got out the energy and we forged on! Having a photographer who is in your corner not just creatively but has the ability to read the room and intervene before things go off track, is a skill that doesn’t always naturally come with the job. When you’re hiring a photographer, hire for creativity OF COURSE, but also hire them because of how they make you feel, how they stay calm even when everything is a dumpster fire, because that alone can make or break your entire wedding day. I always knew that as a photographer, but after being a bride, I know it even deeper. Also an important note: Have everything ready for photos in ONE box. All of your details, jewelry and accessories in one place, including vows and rings. This will limit how much your photographer needs from you while you’re getting hair and makeup done or doing other things. And most importantly, trust your photographer fully!
LINENS. We purchased our own linens. I completely underestimated this decision and I’m honestly kicking myself for not thinking it through. ZERO STARS, DO NOT RECOMMEND. Im hoping this helps someone else to NOT make the same mistakes or to have better prepared for the reality if you do. The restaurant provided linens, but they did not go to the floor like I would have liked for a more elegant feel. Sorry not sorry but the last thing I want to see when I spent so much time on table details, is the underworld of a restaurant table. Instead of spending an extra $100-150 more to rent from a company, my mom and I decided to just buy them off of amazon. The quality was excellent so that was no issue, but the prep and labor was what we didn’t consider. Thankfully we realized the night before that they needed to be ironed, because I wouldn’t have even thought of it. My mom spent hours ironing and steaming, my best friend joined and continued until 2am and then the next day my mom, sister in law and best friend had to continue all morning. They recruited another iron from the other hotel room and got to work. Im pretty sure they spent hours doing this to complete it all and then put everything on hangers to get them to stay wrinkle free. I do wish I would have realized sooner because I would have just dampened them and thrown them into a wrinkle release cycle in the dryer. So if I was better prepared for this I would have gone that direction or just paid the extra money for the rental company to do it for us from start to finish. TIME IS MONEY and this was time spent horribly when my loved ones could have been relaxing and enjoying themselves instead of working on my wedding day!
DISTANCE + PROXIMITY. We had everyone stay in downtown Milwaukee WI since our ceremony and dinner were all in the Third Ward. In fact, we rented a room at the Kimpton Journeyman Hotel the night before into the night of our wedding, which was only a few minutes from our ceremony at Milwaukee Federal Building and directly across the street from Onesto where we had our dinner reception. Since we were dropping all decor off ourselves, it was nice to only be across the street for everyone to help bring things over. Also being able to come back to the hotel right after the wedding and crash was amazing! Everything being in close distance and proximity really helped the logistics of the day to not be super stressful.
DIY DETAILS. As a wedding photographer for over 12 years, and overall a SLOOOT for details, I had a vision, even though I didn’t know the exact vision, and I wanted to execute it by myself. I do recommend this ONLY if you’re a truly creative person who has a method to the madness and oddly enjoy the stress as part of the process. It was really freaking stressful and I will not sugarcoat that part, but at the same time the most enjoyable part of the prep for me personally because it felt like I got to create a vision from start to finish that was just mine. And tbh if you’re anything like me there was no Pinterest board that embodied the entire vision I just knew I had a slight idea of how I wanted things and creating it step by step is what brought the vision to life. I didn’t hold myself to someone else’s inspo, I just tapped in and did my thing. Im a bit type A, so this was a fun way to just have full control (for the most part but I’ll explain later in this post). Only thing that was hard, was having anyone help me with this bc it’s near impossible to delegate when you’re creating a vision as it unfolds. Things I took full control over were: creating the invitation suite for photo flat lays, getting 5 different tapestries for flat lays as options, creating the full flower arrangements using wholesale flowers (this is a whole section this post bc there’s a lot you need to know), sourced vintage vases and vintage inspired bud vases, mapped out every detail of the two 16ft tables using a tape measure and the floor and placing every vase, bud vase, hurricane, vintage candle holder, etc down and mapping it all out for my coordinator, Jake numbering each and every one of those details, labeling every box with what was in them to make it easier for my coordinator and venue, designing my own menus, decorating my own cake. A lot went into all of this but still 10/10
FLOWERS. As I mentioned already, I did my own flower arrangements for the tables. I did have my bouquet and boutonniere done by Joey at Remingtons’s flowers (she absolutely nailed my vision perfectly!!!) but I just didn’t have the budget to also hire her for table flowers. I will say florals are worth every damn penny though because the amount of work they take is beyond the creative vision…it also is a science knowing which flowers need what temperature, which can last and are hardier, which need time to open for their full beauty, which need cold temps (we dedicated our entire fridge to the arrangements which btw was not an easy thing to do), which will die or brown in cold temps, making sure to keep them away from fridge walls and cold vents. There is endless information to know and the creativity was quite literally 20% of the flower process. And when you buy wholesale, they need major processing to get them ready for use. I did however have a lot of fun with the creative side of things and seeing my arrangements after was very rewarding!! I did mess up hardddd and accidentally mixed up amaranthus and anthurium (the words overlap to me don’t ask) and accidentally browned 1-2 of my anthurium in the fridge. But I threw some pearls on one of them, tossed the other one out and somehow the others lived to make it all work out! PHEWWW. Last thing we didn’t take into consideration was transportation of said flowers. It wound up fine, but it’s a lot of pressure to make sure nothing gets tossed around in the car in transit. I left this up to my man and his best friend and prayed for the best. They succeeded beautifully and no flowers were harmed in transit! Anyway, flowers are worth the money if you can make the budget happen…florists truly have one of the hardest jobs of any wedding vendor IMO and they deserve all the love and praise. But if you don’t have the money, also understandable, but just know what you’re getting yourself into and perhaps keep it simple, or choose flowers that have a similar temperature needs/care to make your life easier.
FAMILY STYLE DINNER. This one was most surprising to find out the hard way! We did family style dinner on restaurant sized tables (only 2.5 ft wide) and I did NOT consider how that would affect the perfectly laid out table scape that I took all of that time to pre plan. My tables were mapped to be very decor heavy because again, Im a SLOOOOT for details. What I didn’t realize is how family style dinner specifically, would interfere with that. The decor wound up having to be chunked down because there wouldn’t be enough room for the large plates of dinner that would be passed around. Veryyyyyyy unfortunate. Don’t get me wrong when I walked in and saw the tables, I still cried because everything looked so good. What I was not prepared for was the disappointment I felt when I saw how light the decor was. There were not a lot of bud vases, not as many candles, and no fruit throughout the table scape. All things that were wildly important to me. SOOOO if I would have known ahead of time just how much of an impact a decision like family style or plated dinner would be, and how it would affect decor of all things, I would have 10000% chosen to spend more per plate for a plated dinner instead. Who woulda thought? 5/10 for this decision because it all still turned out stunning and no one would know or care. But since I know how much time and effort I put in, and how intentional it was for me, still sucked a littleeeee bit.
COORDINATOR. I had my lovely girl Destiny from Blush Events do my decor setup and my only regret was not having her for the full planning experience!!! If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t have had the room setup beautifully and ready to go for guests. I also don’t know what I would have done without her troubleshooting on the fly bc of the decor plan, being scrapped. Truly wish I had thought of all the little things that would need handling and all the questions I’d be asked because it would have been so nice to just relax and know it’s all handled. So even for a micro wedding with only 27 people, including my husband and I, 1000000% would recommend not making my mistakes and having someone full coordinate for you. You will not regret how much is actually taken off your plate. And as a wedding vendor I KNOW….I should have known better. Trust me, I’m yelling at myself too! If you do not have a coordinator…Make sure to meet with all of your closest family and friends the day before to do a little detail overview. Delegate people for certain jobs (hopefully you wrote down a few from this blog post so you don’t forget) and tell each person explicitly what you need from them, where to be and when. It will limit the amount of questions they have the day of if everyone just knows as much info before as possible. Delegate one contact for those people to go to for answers and coordinating. If you have a coordinator, you will still need to delegate but they will be the point of contact.
CAKE. I got my cake a week early due to the bakers availability and put it in the freezer to hold until wedding day. I was told to take it out of the freezer and into the fridge and it will be good to go. I took it out Saturday morning like I was told and accidentally left it out in room temperature for 15 minutes where it quickly collected beads of condensation which pulled the green color out of the cake. If you have ADHD too, you get it (cry face emoji). I honestly do not know what I was thinking, but I don’t think I was thinking at all. I immediately put it into the fridge and kept it there until the next day, but unfortunately, it was ruined. It hard dark green streaks and beads of color all over it. My fault for sure! I had to quickly let this go becuase at that point who even cares? and the cake and the fruit I decorated it with, overall was a VIBE. Also we only went with a 6 inch cake to save money and it was the best decision ever! We just got a sheet cake from Meijer’s Bakery to be cut up from the back and served for everyone else. 10/10 do recommend not spending a fortune on a cake, but just having a really cool trendy one just for you and your partner to take home and enjoy for a while! (refreezing it is fine btw)
HAIR + MAKEUP. Have professionals do it and pay for a trial! Listen I get it and I hate getting my makeup and hair done. Im particular and I know it and I never really love how others make me look. However, I’m SO glad I trusted my glam team Belviso! I know I probably drove them a little nuts with how specific I can be, but they were so patient and so good at what they do, that it made it all worth it! The trial helped me figure out exactly what I did and did not want. One thing I will say not just as a bride, but as a photographer, is stop asking for airbrush makeup (I’m sorry MUAs). It is not a long lasting makeup if there are any tears or any rain. It immediately streaks and makes all that hard work and money spent, literally wash away. No pun intended. I wound up trying and buying professional level makeup that I had my MUA use for me. The reason being was because I know my skin, I know what it looks like with heavy coverage makeup and I wanted to look my best and not rely on the wrong formula for me. Obviously if you’re not a makeup girly like I am, it’s best to trust the professionals and always ask before doing this! I know a lot about my skin and makeup on my skin and I know I had a vision of what I wanted to look like on wedding day. A great makeup artist will know exactly how to use great makeup. I went with merit primer, Nars natural radiant longwear foundation with a mix of Ilia skin tint serum, Charlotte tilbury concealer, Laura Mercier setting powder and the rest was up to her! She made me look absolutely flawless and like myself with this combo, it was amazing! I will also mention that makeup disappears on camera, especially lashes and brows. Let them do their thing to fill your lashes and brows in to make them pop more. It will help define your entire face! Blush and contour also should be a bit more intense so that you don’t lose your facial structure in photos. Also for hair, I was stuck between having pieces hanging and a slick style. Take into account your hair type and the weather if you’ll be outside. I’m so glad I went with a more pulled back style because with the weather my hair would have been a frizz ball in 2 seconds. I also notice that people don’t take wind into account when they have hanging pieces and then for photos they wind up having to tuck them behind their ears which kinda ruins the whole vibe. Just some thoughts if you’re on the fence!
VOWS. I had majority of my vows written, but needed to do a few extra drafts on them to perfect them and have them ready to go. I waited until the night before to do this and 0/10 DO NOT RECOMMEND. Have them done a few days in advance. I truly wish I had them done so I could have gone to hang out with my family the night before the wedding and actually got to sleep early. I also underestimated how long physically WRITING my vows in the vow book would take!! Holy hell it literally took over an hour because I was going slow so that they would be super neat and legible and no mess ups. It was 2am by the time I finished! It was the worst!!! Also please write from the heart and don’t use ChatGPT. Even if you’re not a good writer, anything from the heart is better than something fake from a robot.
MORNING OF + PREP. I cannot recommend enough, having your dress, veil, scarf or whatever you’re wearing, hanging in view. I even set up my shoes and details too! Not only does it help any wrinkles settle out but it also was so freakin special to wake up the next morning and see it! I literally cried. It set the perfect tone for everything to feel real and get me excited as the first feeling to start the day. The ONE big mistake I made was not taking the drape sleeves off of my dress the night before or having my seamstress do it! She had left them on and she had used bra eye hooks to fasten them so that they didn’t fall off me. She even told me to bring pliers to get them off. I had forgotten to tell her that it was my second look, not my first one. So there I was, perfectly on time, having to try to pry these babies off, while trying not to break a nail. It took me and my photographer to finally get them off but they were not easy and it did put the timeline behind because I stupidly didn’t anticipate this at all! Again, another silly mistake that Im surprised I made as a wedding photographer. So, in short, make sure you have literally everything prepped the night before or in the morning before the photographer arrives, so that you’re not taking up time the next day. And unrelated side note but super fun: make sure you make a slot in your timeline to do fun photos of just you on the morning of! It really kicked off the vibe and tone for the day to feel editorial and so cool because we did so many fun shots of me in a pretty robe with lingerie, sunglasses, my lipstick, dope pearl platform heels and a custom made newspaper that I created as a surprise for Jake. It was the PERFECT way to start the day and have fun before the chaos!
HONEYMOON. We did not take a honeymoon. We planned to take a mini moon but also decided against it since we would prefer to save that money towards our dream trip to Italy next year. I still feel good about all of those decisions HOWEVER I would have planned more for the exhaustion and come down after the wedding. I also would have planned for more time off after the wedding instead of going back into life right away. There are no words for the intensity and then the crash and grief that you feel after such a hugely anticipated event. (I will be doing a podcast on this bc its not talked about enough at all). And spending time together and soaking it in, I now understand is the exact reason why people take honeymoons. I realized we messed up right away with not planning better and Jake made a reservation for us on our only night off together alone to make it special. (GREEN FLAG HUBBY!) Yes it was extra money he spent after the wedding expenses, but it also was soooo beautiful to finally connect and talk about the wedding day, our favorite parts, what happened in our mornings before we saw one another, the things we didn’t love so much. I could not recommend more, scheduling serious 1:1 time together right after. Even if you can’t afford to go on vacation to do so, at least just pause all life for a few days and make it special and unique for the two of you.